40 Days Completed

Yesterday was the final day of the 40 day yoga challenge.  This has been a very quiet one.  That is perfect, yoga should quiet things down!  It did.  I have practiced 6 days a week, and have gotten into a deeper practice than ever before.  It is ironic that I am talking about something that is such an inner process, I find myself not being able to put it into words, or even wanting to.  However, there is a passion within me that tells me to share this experience.  Yoga.  It gives me such joy, peace, contentment that I want to share it.

The thing about this is you can not hold onto it.  It is like a butterfly, you allow it to land on you and do not grasp it.  You simply practice attending to the posture, the breath, observe the minds gymnastics, and let go.  Continue to practice.  That is the key.  You practice, and practice, and do not look for the results. It takes patience and perseverance.  It takes a commitment to allowing all to arise, never grasping.

What arises is everything:  tears, sadness, anger, joy, peace, ugliness, heartache, pain, energy, power.  It is all there.  If you reject any of it, you are stuck in that which you reject.  What you are left with after 40 days...your self.  I am still myself.  Nothing has changed and everything has.  Is my life in a better place because of this?  My life is in a better place right now, in this moment, and this too shall pass.  Perhaps you could say that my mind isn't so much in control of me.  I have practiced not getting hooked into all of this passing stuff.  I am a little bit better at it now than I was 40 days ago.  And...this too shall pass.

Namaste

Day 38 Hump Day

I am resting on the hump today.  I did my practice this morning.  It was fabulous: I got to move and sweat and enjoy my yoga and listen to my breath.  This is what makes yoga great.  Now...this moment.  I am at peace.  I picked up a book my uncle gave me years ago and read:  "Timelessness.  When one finally arrives at the point where schedules are forgotten, and becomes immersed in ancient rhythms, one begins to live."  The book: Reflections From the North Country, by Sigurd F. Olson.

These words accurately describe my experience today.  It is as if I have arrived at this point.  Un-scheduling my life has led me here.  It has taken me several months to do this.  In March when I took a group on a yoga retreat in Costa Rica, I was unwinding for a week in the rainforest.  Spending time in daily meditation and yoga, and lots of time alone, relaxing and reading, I reflected on my hectic life in Eden Prairie, Minnesota.  Winter was long, the studio was getting busier and I was over scheduled.  I vowed to myself to change that.  What is the quality of a life lived if you are always busy?

I saw that there was still much work to accomplish to arrive there.  I must first have my home be easier to maintain, my business/finances needed major overhaul in order for my daily schedule to be more spacious.  I began clearing it all away.  I didn't attempt this blindly, I looked at it through meditation.  I meditated and asked - what is the most effective thing I can do right now that will create more space and timelessness for myself in the near future?

It didn't make logical sense to me or to many around me.  I didn't care.  I had a knowing that each action I took felt right and that these actions were creating the environment for richness of living, rather than creating busy-ness.

I also recognized that many thoughts that came up were fear-based thinking and recognizing those, chose to ignore them and attend to the actions that created harmony and flowing energy in my life and environment.  One example was my finances.  I knew I needed to find an accountant or bookkeeper, since that was one thing that was driving me crazy.  It took me almost two months, I asked around and kept having this knowing that the right one was there, and would show up at the right time.
Of course she did show up.  That's all taken care of now.

I am at peace and I still work strange hours. I still have more to put into order and cause to have my business work financially.  My focus now, however, has changed.  It has transformed.  My focus is inward and upward.  My answers and direction comes from a higher place, from a peaceful place.

May you also find that harmony and peace in your own life.  It is there - just waiting for you.  Don't worry - you may have to struggle and work very hard as you begin.  Don't give in to fear.  Keep your minds-eye on what you want your life to look like.  If you don't know that right now, stop "doing".  Just "be" - spend time resting.  I do not know how long it will take.  I do not know how long you will have to work hard to find it.  Keep at it and cultivate your love.  That is the most powerful source for you to draw from - have your actions be for love.

2 more days to go for the 40-day challenge.

Day 36 - Each Day a New Beginning

Monday morning.  Only 4 days to go in the challenge.  I ask myself, what have I accomplished in this challenge?  What have you?  For me, I think, some added strength, my ashtanga practice has returned (I am able to do it again), a bit more endurance, a promise of physical vitality & power. That's temporary though.

Letting that thought go....This day can be day one, moment one.  We can begin anew in each moment if we let go of the past.  I do believe this is one secret to vitality, (the fountain of youth, happiness, longevity, peace of mind). . . Letting go of the past.  It can be done, one breath at a time.

Monday morning - the past tells me I must be productive this morning - and all day!  I own a business!
Yoga philosophy tells me that any action creates Karma.  With that in mind, what reaction do I want?  I contemplate that one.  What I want is peace.  Everywhere.  It must begin with me, so what I create in this moment is letting go of the past, the thinking, the I should's and you should's, and just be present to what is here right now:   The sun is filtering into my windows....

I have created a home that is peaceful, a place of nurturing, love and rest.  I can listen to my music & my meditation teacher speaking about the spiritual path (on you tube) and allow my actions to arise from that peaceful place.
  

It is ironic that students look to me for motivation and want to "change" something - like their weight or flexibility.  I struggle daily myself with many things, yet, I am firmly on the path of practice.

Practice is where it is at.  Practice in every moment.  Observe your thoughts, actions, words, choices, make the choices that create good in your life and let go of the choices that take away from your life.  That's all there is to it.
How long will it take?  In this day of instant gratification, I don't know anyone who really likes the answer to this question.  It takes a life time.  It takes a long time.  I have been practicing for 27 years.  I am still practicing.

Thank you for practicing with me - together, we are stronger and more dedicated to this practice -and we make a tremendous difference in the world.

Day 33 Happy It's Not Day 32 Anymore!

If you read my blog yesterday, and thought perhaps my mood changed at some point from practicing yoga, it did - for about one hour.  Then the water leaked in the yoga studio from the water heater and the old friend was back - oh noooo!!! It's all horrible.  So I finally let go, allowed myself to be miserable.  I told my husband what a bad day it was.  I didn't make a big story out of it, just listed all of the things I did not like about the day and quit resisting it.

Before I went to bed last night, my husband asked me to read an article he found on the internet.  He left it on the computer for me.  I finally got out of my chair and slunked to the computer and sat down and read the article.  It was written by a woman who wrote a book and submitted it to publishers and was rejected by 40 publishers.  Then her book was published. She wrote that if you asked her husband what are her best and worst traits, he would say.  1.  She never quits.  and 2.  She. Never. Quits.   She wrote about all of the crazy things she did to get the book written better before resubmitting it.  She worked on her book in the hospital while giving birth, she lied to her husband telling him she was going to a girl's weekend out of town and checking into a neighborhood hotel to work on her book.

I got it.  Thanks honey, I said before going to bed.  I was asleep after reading two pages of my book - Beyond Power Yoga.  Yes, I am a lot like that woman - passionate, obsessive at times, about teaching yoga, about running the yoga studio, about studying yoga, about my spiritual practice, about my life being my yoga.  And I keep getting those "rejection letters" (in the form of bills that I pray I can pay) and I keep trying again and again and again.  I know that my passion will also finally "get published" (i.e. out of the red) because I just will not quit. (now where is the water heater repair guy?!)

Day 32 Challenge of Being

I woke up worried.  I recognized this mood immediately.  It has been a near constant companion since opening my own business.  And it has been my nemesis.  How to quit worrying?  What is the yogic trick to this?

My meditation master says "Worry is praying for failure".  Groan. . . I know!!!  It just happens!  It's August, the slowest month of EVERY year for a Minnesota yoga studio.  I know that and still get upset when it happens.  I alternate between upset and laughter - ha ha haa!  It's so funny that this upsets me exactly the same way for exactly the same reason.

When did this old fear first begin to plague me?  I recall experiencing this when I was in my 20's right after purchasing a new home with my first husband.   I knew then what I know now.  Worry does not help, it actually hinders.  However, now I have a tool.  I have yoga and meditation.  I have the ability to redirect my attention.  I have some control over that wild mind that says "oh noooooh!!!!".  It is a little bit of control now, but it is just enough that instead of existing in worry for the entire day - I am free of it in less than one hour from waking up.  How?

I have things to do!!!  I have a beautiful home to take care of!  I get to go teach some very enthusiastic yoga students - who happen to be from India too - so I get to practice learning more about their names - "Rupa", "Preetha" - they always come to class.  Then after that, I get to work with Lynn on my shoulder stand - she's a master-teacher in my studio - my shoulder is still stuck from my bike accident last year.

The challenge of being  - what this means to me is that each day I can choose to "be" anything - no matter what my circumstances.  Each day when my mind wakes up take time to shift my being to what I want - to how I want to spend my day.  Today I choose being grateful, enthusiastic and loving.

Day 26 Practicing Yoga

Day 26 and I am wondering when I will act on what I really want:  to practice yoga every morning - early, meditate and have one day of rest.  Surprised?  I practice my yoga every day.  I do asana practice everyday, I meditate, I practice yoga in action and I still think I should be doing something differently or better - I still think "it's not enough".  This is human mind - we all think that way.  Maybe some of you don't do that to yourselves, many of us do.  When am I enough?  Rarely.  So my practice is to let go of that each day, to not think of myself, what I am getting out of life - to focus on what I am giving in life and the small acts of love and kindness I am given the opportunity to perform in each and every moment. 

Day 22 Hottest summer in Minnesota

Once again the theme of this challenge comes up - patience or perseverance!  The heat wave that has hit our country has even been causing suffering in Minnesota.  The thing that is difficult for me to take is sleeping in air conditioning, then going outside, the change is incredible.  It's like walking into a wall when I step outside into the heat & humidity.  It reminds me of how much we complained about our winter this year: it was a very long, cold, snowy winter.  Longer, colder, snowier!  And I remember back then I said "Minnesotans love to complain about the weather" I think that's why we live here.  It is always changing.  Life is always changing.  In the practice of yoga, we step back and watch the changes as they go by.  We remain unattached, not clinging, not suffering.  We experience it all and push none of it away.  (Ideally!)  And if we are practicing yoga in Minnesota, we complain along the way : ).  Just for fun.